11.12.2012

hush, little baby

this next sentence is going to sound awful, so I'm just going to say it. 

I sort of like when my son has nightmares.
yup, that sounded awful.
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now let me back up. 
I certainly don't like that sometimes he wakes up alone and frightened in the dark.
what I do like, is that I get to be the comfort he seeks.
the knight to fight off the dragons in the night. 

I love that as soon as I scoop him out of his crib, his fearful and confused cries stop. 
His right arm wraps tight around my neck, and that pudgy little baby fist wraps itself into my hair.
His head nestles down onto my shoulder and his body just melts onto mine.
He knows he is loved, he knows he is safe.

We sway back and forth in the dark, his feet brushing my legs.
 his chest shakes occasionally with a lingering sob or two, and slowly, his breathing regulates.
I breathe in his baby smell, and hold him close as I hum him lullabys .

And then usually, I'm the one crying.
I'm so grateful for these quiet moments.
I try to soak them in, because they are so fleeting.
Wasn't it just yesterday that his feet only hit my stomach, or he fit on my chest?

I'm so grateful that my arms solve all his problems.
The nightmares, the bonked head, or the stranger anxiety.
It's like magic.

Someday soon, I'll offer my arms, and they'll still help, they'll still comfort, but they won't fix it.
They won't fix the bully at school, the scary test, or the team he didn't make.
but he'll still be loved.

And maybe one day, he won't want the hug or the lullabys.
And if and when that day comes, I'm going to remember those quiet moments in the dark when I could fix his whole world. I will remember the pudgy fist in my hair, and the feet on my legs.
 And I'll be grateful for those little baby nightmares for giving us that time.

3 comments:

  1. I know this will sound bad- but I like it when my daughter is sick. Like you, I don't like that she is in pain- but my daughter isn't a bad sick baby. She doesn't act bad, a bit on the cranky side, but pretty normal. But she sleeps more and better (strange, but she does), and she cuddles so much more. So while I know she is in pain, I love that she will cuddle with me and wants me to make her better- that she trusts me that much to take care of her, and I don't want that to end.

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  2. Please excuse me while I go wake up my daughter. . . I love this, I couldn't agree more.

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  3. Beautiful..my son is only three months and I miss how teeny he was not too long ago....any reason to cuddle with them
    More!

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